It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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