all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
