Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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