WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
