i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
