I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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