Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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