gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
