He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
