and she was petting her beer can
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
