I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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