Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
