I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
