I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
