The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize