remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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