didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
