You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
