The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
