We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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