Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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