I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
