just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
