My nipple is on Facebook.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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