Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
