You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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