So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
