Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
