great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
