Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
