He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
