I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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