i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
