hotel room ftw
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
