I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
