Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
