I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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