She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
