spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You were trust falling into bushes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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