Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
