we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
