piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
