Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if only i could text you this smell
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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