We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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