Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
