So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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