can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this beer tastes like vomit already
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
