did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
