i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
