Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
