if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
