How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
