you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
