Someone shit on the floor
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
