I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
