I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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