I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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