i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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