You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this will be a night to untag.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
