all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
