My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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