I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
