K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
