oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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