wrigley field is MILF paradise
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
