I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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