with your own penis?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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