did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize