my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
