like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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