Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
