I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
