hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
