I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize