He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
